I Hate Myself For The Truth
by lovingklaus
Summary: What do you do when a thousand year old hybrid turns up at your door and wants to show you what the world has to offer? (Currently unable to update this story but there is supposed to be more to come.)


**Set in both Mystic Falls and New Orleans. All Klaroline scenes have happened up to and including TVD 5x11. Written in Caroline's POV.**

**I hope you like it, and take the time to leave a review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.**

* * *

**Death.**

_Noun. _

_The action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism. _

Why do they make it sound so miserable?

* * *

"I don't want to be saved."

The words escaped my mouth with ease as I lay there, on my death bed, waiting to take my last breath and bid farewell to the world. The rays of the blazing summer sun made the air too warm to be comfortable. However, I was no longer in pain and that's what mattered to me the most. Outside, the streets of New Orleans were alive. Jazz music spread like a flu epidemic, forcing people to break out in song and dance. I longed to be out there enjoying everything this beautiful city had to offer. Yet, my capabilities had been narrowed down to the point where I was looking over the parading streets, in complete silence. I felt alone, except I wasn't. On the edge of the bed sat my cure. My ticket to another shot at life. I refused to take it.

I couldn't explain why I no longer wanted to live. As my body deteriorated from the werewolf bite, I became paralysed. I couldn't move, nor could I physically feel anything. Only my emotions were still intact. I felt pain like I never felt before. I felt anger towards Tyler for biting me. I felt sorrow for myself. I felt scared because I was dying. But most importantly, I felt love towards a certain someone who watched over me, hoping that I would drink his blood in order to stay alive. I could see how much he wanted me to take it. Yet, I felt selfish and convinced myself I didn't deserve it. I weighed up all the reasons I should live against all the reasons I shouldn't and they seemed to be in favour of why I should be erased from this world. I blamed myself for everything bad that ever happened to the people around me. I hated Tyler. I hated Klaus. I hated that Tyler hated Klaus. I hated that Klaus killed Tyler's mom. But ultimately, I hated myself. I hated myself for the truth. The truth was falling in love with Klaus.

Klaus offered me his blood again, but I shook my head in refusal and pushed his wrist away. "I won't be able to live with the guilt of letting you die," he told me as he gave me his wrist a third time, but once again, I pushed him away. This was a continuous process. He'd offer me his blood; I'd refuse; he'd look away in disapproval; and then offer me his blood once more. He wasn't giving up and I wasn't giving in. Soon enough, I felt my internal organs failing on me. I realised my body was shutting down. I dedicated all that I had left into making one last request.

"Klaus…" the tips of my fingers twitched as I said his name. Immediately, he placed his hand in mine. Our hands came together like two pieces of a jigsaw. As soon as his skin touched mine, I felt his warmth go through me. There was something about Klaus that always lifted me up spiritually whenever we touched. I noticed how fast my heart was racing, and if I listened closely enough, between the ticks of the clock, I could hear my heartbeats pounding like a drum. My eyes felt heavy and my lips quivered as I tried to finish my sentence. But, nothing came out. Seconds later, I collapsed.

* * *

_Mortem._ Latin, for death.

_Morte._ Italian.

_Muerte._ Spanish.

_Mort._ French.

The word always seems to bring about a sense of misery, no matter which language you recite it in.

* * *

I found myself waking up in a completely different house. However, this one felt more like a home. There was just something about it that I took a liking to. At first, I assumed that I had died and gone to heaven, or that I was in the 'in between' but this didn't seem realistic enough. I had never believed in such things. I pushed my hair back and rubbed my fingers along where the bite used to be. I had made a miraculous discovery. It was not until I drew back the curtains that I realised where I was. The sun was starting to set along the horizon, just allowing enough light into the dark room. Three of the four walls were plastered in paintings. Immediately my mind settled on someone I knew who loved to paint.

"Caroline." I liked hearing his voice say my name.

* * *

Why are there no positive connotations of death?

Isaac Asimov once said; "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

**Peace.**

At the point of death your brain shuts down and your consciousness ends. What happens after that is unknown until you experience it yourself but then of course you can't tell anyone about it. Death shouldn't be something to be afraid of but rather something to embrace, when you're finally at peace and no longer in conflict with such a complicated world.

* * *

Perhaps I was being childish but I didn't want to look him in the eye. Definitely not after he had force fed me his blood against my will, which was to die. He approached me from behind and gripped my waist with his hands, then pulled me close. I didn't utter a word of hate because deep down I enjoyed how he made me feel. I enjoyed being so close to his hot hybrid body. I felt lucky that of all people he's met, for the 1000 years he's roamed this planet, he chose me. He chose plain, old, boring Caroline Forbes because he found her to be beautiful, strong and full of light. He started kissing my neck which felt really good. I had to force my mouth shut because I didn't want him to know I enjoyed it. But he knew.

"I am in love you, Caroline," he said. I was in love with him too.

* * *

I spooned some sugar and stirred it into my coffee because it was way too bitter for my liking. It was a rainy day in Mystic Falls, and I was sitting all alone in a coffee shop thinking about death which made it even more miserable. A rather attractive dark haired man walked in and ordered himself a latte before pulling out the chair opposite me and asking "Do you mind if I sit here love?" The word rolled off his tongue nicely. I nodded to say I didn't mind.

* * *

"What's wrong love?" I knew my silence would worry him. I didn't know how to respond and looked to my feet for answers. My toes just stared at me which made me realise how gross they actually were even though I had tried to make them look pretty with red nail varnish that had now chipped. Klaus held my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. Immediately, I started crying so he pulled me in for a hug. My head rested gently on his left shoulder as he stroked my hair. I was holding tightly onto him because it just felt like the right thing to do. Once I had convinced myself to stop crying and wiped my tears away with my fingers, I lifted my head and faced him. His eyes were filled to the brim with tears that had not yet shed. I lifted myself on my toes and moved in to kiss him. His lips tasted just as good as they did the first time around. I met his forehead with mine and smiled. He returned the favour and at the same time I watched a tear roll down his cheek so I wiped it away with my thumb. As good as we both felt in that moment, I dropped my next line of speech like a bomb.

* * *

I tried not to make eye contact with the man whilst I sipped on my coffee. It was early morning, and I was cold and tired which was nothing a cup of coffee couldn't fix. I looked at my watch as if I had somewhere to be at a certain time. "Miserable weather huh?" I nodded to say yes. "We don't get this very often in New Orleans." The tail of his sentence hit me hard.

* * *

"I hate you for healing me Klaus," I said as I held my hand over where the bite used to be. He opened his mouth to speak. "No!" I insisted, and then paused for a breath that was long enough to mentally prepare my speech. "I told you that I didn't want to be saved, but you were selfish and still fed me your blood. If you cared about me you would have respected my decision and let me die. How can you expect me to forgive you? I guess I should be thanking you for keeping me alive. And I'm sure I'll never forget when I wake up every single day forced to live a life that I despise because-" I stopped as I noticed he was looking at me with a smirk as if my rant was the slightest bit amusing.

"Are you finished?" I grunted and let him speak.

"Caroline, when I'm around you I feel happiness I've never felt before. You bring out the good in me. So you may think that I was selfish to heal you, but tell me, what is selfish about saving the only person that I have ever opened up to and truly loved? You're just angry with yourself love. I thought about the consequences; I thought about all the people around you who would be affected by your death, including me. I would never have been able to live with the guilt of letting you die. That's the thing about being immortal. I could've let you die but I wouldn't want to live with that forever." I looked at him with guilt in my eyes. But, I didn't want to admit that he was right.

"I never want to see you again!" I exclaimed proudly as I left the room.

* * *

It was coming up to one year since I left New Orleans and returned to Mystic Falls, my home. I cut out both Tyler and Klaus from my life with pride. I didn't need romance. I just needed my friends, even if most of them were too busy getting it on with each other. Damon had Elena, Bonnie had Jeremy and Matt had Rebekah. As for me, I had someone very special. "Caroline!" he exclaimed loudly, disrupting the silence that lingered eerily in the shop. He always said my name in his cutest best friend voice.

"Stefan!" I responded as I ejected from my chair and gave him a long warm hug. It was nice to have someone like him around. After all, I would never have become the Caroline Forbes that I am today without my Stefan Salvatore.


End file.
